At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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