That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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