yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
