obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
