oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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