Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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