forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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