She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
