Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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