Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
