i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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