from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
