I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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