Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
