she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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