that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
