someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
they're like a gay fantastic four
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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