my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
