My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
