so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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