well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
