We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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