shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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