I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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