His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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