Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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