M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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