They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize