"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Banned from zoo.
Again?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
