thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
