I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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