if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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