He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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