im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
