why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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