fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
