we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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