Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
