Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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