morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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