I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
