I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
