He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Slut skills are useful in every country.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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