Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
