we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
