I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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