tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
