I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize