i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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