Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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