im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
