If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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