New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize