He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
