my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
