So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
