Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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