Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize