it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
