wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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