ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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