and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
