she woke up with a sticky ear
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
