why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
