Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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