I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
