I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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