Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
