paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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