Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think your dad took our porno
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
