The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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