Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
