I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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