kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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