I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
