zippers are such a cool invention
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
