The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize