so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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