my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
