I looked at my own cervix.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
