Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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