my vag is so smooth its legendary
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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